Mrs Brookes
WWW - Camera shots, Editing and Mise En Scene.
EBI - link between intro and tattoo where is that? Voice over a little to complex maybe shorter and shorter. When you walk into the parlour, you need intro. Job title needed. Lower tattooing sound. Cut out "yeah". Need more tattoo scenes.
Mrs Field
WWW - Shots are very well done. Editing is good.
EBI - Need to simplify the narration at the beginning of the film opening. Improve sound of the tattoo noise. Job titles should be added. Need to remove the constant "yeah".
Mr Amato
Really like the titles but can be positioned better.
Feels TV Documentary rather than a film, this could be because of the instant voice over. More instant talking and change the font that you use as it goes on and on and I do not like the late titles. Subject matter hands you some potentially beautiful shots that wait really evident.
Improvements from Feedback
It is clear we need to make the link between the montage and the tattoo parlour footage more obvious or apparent. Mrs Bond as said we could do this by focusing on the script of the narration, to simplify it maybe so it doesn't get lost in the big pretentious words that we used. It is also clear that we must remove the "yeah" responses from the video because they constantly come up and maybe distract from what is being said by the person being interviewed; this is easily done through using the background noise recorded in different shots to fill the space where the "yeah" used to be. I am afraid there is not much to be done with the background noise in the interviews, we can lower the sound but then we do not want the dialogue to be lost so we are going to put subtitles onto the interviews, this may play in our favour making the piece look more like a documentary.
